sitting quietly
lights flickering
as i stare into space
deep in my thoughts
what have i done wrong this time?
i feel like im being hated
not wanted
just dont want to live anymore
whats the point?
its 1130 in the night
im sitting out in the cold
i ever thought of commiting suicide
i swear ,
seeing the railings and the fact that im on the 14 floor
suddenly,
i just started scratching my hand
for no reason
i just cant seem to find anything else more reasonable to do
i had to vent my emotins on something
my anger , hatred , hurt , jealousy
anger for my father throwing me out of my house
hatred for my father for being so harsh and violent to me
hurt for having to bear all this and had to belong here
jealously for my parents' bias-ness
oh , fuck it
my eyes turn watery
and i found myself crying
i hated myself
for the existence of me here
my vision turn blur
suddenly i just felt like sleeping so that everything will be alright in the morning
but why will it be ..
how could it
so i continue staring
maybe my parents dont love me anymore..
maybe im really just that useless
my home... feel like a hostel now to me.
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